Standing at the Edge
by ChelseaLovesFood
Summary: Starts right after Eli finds out Julia's dead. Two Shot! Eli's POV.
1. Drop the World

**Standing at the Edge.**

**Chapter 1: Drop the World**

I couldn't even begin to fathom what just happened. I watched her run downstairs, tears streaming down her face. It hurt me to think that I was the reason she was hurting. I didn't like seeing her in pain but I didn't think that she'd believe me so easily….

I smacked my forehead and hoped that this was just another one of those fights we'd had occasionally, like any other couple. I hoped that we'd be back together soon because truly, I wasn't ready to breakup. I loved her so much and I wasn't willing to forget that. I said things I shouldn't have and I knew I'd regret it the moment I spoke. I never meant anything I said but she believed it and she needed to know that it wasn't true. It didn't give her any reason to forgive me, but it was worth a shot.

I picked up my phone and dialed her number. It rang, and rang, and rang until I got to her voicemail.

"_Hey, it's Julia. I'm sorry if I didn't get your call, but leave a message and I'll get back to you!"_

Beep.

"Jules, I'm really, really sorry. I understand why you probably hate me right now, but I love you and I really need to hear your voice. Call me back? Or see you at school? K, bye!"

Letting it drop was probably the best idea for now. Everything would be back to normal soon, right? I lay in bed and slowly drifted into a deep sleep.

Ring. Ring. Ring

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. Was it Julia? I got up eagerly and answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Eli, this is Julia's mom. Is she over at your house? She hasn't come home yet and it's almost three in the morning." Julia never got home? Where would she be?

"Um… no, Julia isn't here. She left a few hours ago." I heard Mrs. Forester slightly gasp and start sobbing over the phone.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Forester. I'll find her."

"Thank you, Eli." she said in tears, and hung up.

I got up out of bed, already in proper clothing and ran downstairs and out the door. I didn't bother to tell my parents about my absence. I got in my car and started it. I backed out of the driveway and drove down the street. I had no plans concerning my destination, but I knew I just had to look around, and maybe check at her friend's houses and as for help. I had to find her. As I approached the curb, I saw something in the road. A dog, maybe? Once I got there, I knew it was a person. A person with long, black, wavy hair and a beautiful face that belonged on a stage. This person's hair and face was covered in thick, red blood. Realization washed over my face and I couldn't believe it. This was no random person in the street before me. This was _her_. This was Julia. I wiped her bloody face with my palms. I lifted her off the ground and carried her off to the hospital nearby, not caring about my car that was left in the middle of the street.

The doors opened automatically and immediately, some people came and put her on a mobile bed and brought her to the emergency room. I looked through the glass window − they wouldn't let me into the room itself – and thought of my last words to her.

"_You are so stupid! How could you let something like this happen? I can't even believe that I fell in love with an idiot. Well, not anymore. I don't love you. "_

Tears streamed down my face and my eyes stung from the cool air that was now blowing. I was distressed and confused as to how any of this could have happened so fast.

"Hello, were you a friend of this girl's?" a nurse asked. She had rosy red cheeks and a heart shaped face and was quite short.

"Yeah... wait what? _Were?_"

"Yes, she uh… she passed away. There's no way to revive her. It looks like a car ran over her. "

It felt as if I had just thrown myself into a dark pool and couldn't seem to find the surface. At first, there was no pain except a dull, numb feeling but until someone spoke again the pool became hot like fire and a burning feeling washed over. The tears stained my cheeks and by this time, my eyes were blood red. The nurse hugged me and I felt a bit better but there was still a burning sensation. My phone started ringing and I took it from my pocket with shaky hands and answered.

"H-Hello?" I tried to say, croakily

"Eli? Eli, what happened? Where are you? Have you found her?" Mrs. Forester demanded. She sounded worried and frustrated.

"Come to Toronto Hospital." She started sobbing and said that she would come.

I sat down in a chair with my head in my hands and tried to process everything. She died. I'd never see her again. I'd never kiss her perfect lips again. She'd never return my call. She'd never hug me when she came home from her step-mom's house crying again. I'd never smell her sweet, scent again. I'd never tie myself to her again and I'd never get to tell her that I loved her.

Once Mrs. Forester came, the nurse explained everything to her and she started frantically crying. I walked out of the hospital because I couldn't stand to look at her lifeless body on the bed anymore. Once I walked outside, the cool air hit my face once again and the fire that still remained, cooled. It was cloudy and I felt a raindrop so it was surely going to turn into a downpour soon. In about thirty seconds, I was soaked and continued to slowly walk home in the rain. I wanted to _die_. It would have been much better than living a life without _her_. When I reached my house, my parents were up and pacing through the living room, probably wondering where I was. I walked in and relief washed over both of their faces and in about a millisecond, it transformed into anger.

"Eli! Where have you been? What happened to you?" my mom shrieked.

"Mom," My voice was even worse than before, and when I talked it got even hoarser.

"Julia… she'sdead."

My mom's eyes widened and her hand instantly went over her mouth. My dad held my shoulder tightly and led me to sit down on the couch.

"Wha, h-how? When?"

Tears spilled over in my mom's eyes and my dad had a sad and worried look on his face.

"A few hours ago..." I answered finally, after about a minute of just staring at my hands.

My parents embraced me in a warm, tight hug while more tears were released and we sat that way for what felt like an hour. It felt good to be with them and it felt good to hold someone.


	2. Here's to the End

**Chapter 2: Here's to the End **

There was no use in telling what happened during the two weeks after. There were no feelings. There _was_ a lot of blood and there were a quite a bit of scars that would never vanish −mentally _and_ physically.

Mom put me on suicide watch after about two days after the _incident_ where she found me in a bloody tub. I wasn't eating or sleeping or really doing anything except thinking and this was bad because soon, I came to the reasonable conclusion that it was my fault. It _was_ my fault. If it weren't for me, she wouldn't have gotten on her stupid bike and the stupid car wouldn't have hit her. This was one hundred percent true. I couldn't eat anything, not because I didn't want to or because I was starving myself, but because everything tasted like blood. This was because of the cuts I left in my mouth from unintentionally biting much too hard on my lips or my cheek. Whenever I tried sleeping, there were no nightmares, but every time I lay in my bed, it felt like something or someone was strangling me.

Daily, I would slit my wrists because it was the only pain I could control and it felt better and… less painful. One day, U was going to carve her name into my chest, right where my heart was, with a knife so she'd always be there and I'd never forget but unfortunately, my mom saw me doing it and took away everything sharp. She even hid the kitchen knives. So until this day, there is_ JUL_ carved into my chest.

The day finally arrived. I was hoping I would have made it back to her by this time but I obviously wasn't trying hard enough….

I looked at myself in the mirror, bare naked and full of scars. I looked repulsive but those were the sacrifices I'd have to make if I wanted to see Julia again before I turned 90. I put on my boxers and undershirt and instantly looked better… healthier. I put on my long sleeved tux and shoes. My eyes weren't blood red for a change because I actually got some sleep last night. Not in my bed but in my bathtub. I slept in a tub of water, hoping I'd drown but to my disadvantage, like all my other attempts, I lived. I really wasn't looking forward to this day. This was the end. This was her funeral.

I closed my eyes and inhaled. The smell of rust and salt lingered. The smell of blood. That smell lingered for the full two weeks and I strongly doubted that it'd ever go away. I drudged slowly down the stairs and once I got down, I saw my mom in a black gown, just right for a mom, and silver heels. She was just putting in her earrings when she saw me enter.

"Oh Eli, how are you feeling?"

"Same as everyday." I said with my lifeless tone

"Meaning: depressed?"

I nodded and walked over to the kitchen where my dad was chugging a glass of water. He was dressed in a black suit with a red tie. I didn't even know my dad owned a suit. Being a shock jock, formal attire was never really necessary.

"Where'd you get that outfit, dad?"

"Had to borrow one from Uncle Charlie. Look good?" he declared as he strutted around the kitchen in it

"Ha, yeah dad. Looking _great_." That was the first time I'd laughed in a long time.

My dad looked happy to see me laugh. I was too.

"Cece, you ready?" he asked my mom

"Yes, let's go."

We got into the car and begun out silent journey to the church. Once we reached, the service was about to start. People were all dressed in black and a contagious mournful feeling lingered throughout. We took our seats in the third row, right behind closer and more important family and friends. During the service, Julia's sister, Libby came and scooted beside me. She was a very pretty girl with big blue eyes and light brown hair but nowhere near as beautiful as Julia. Libby was about fourteen.

"Hi, Eli."

"Hello, Libby."

"Wow. You sound terrible."

"Yeah, that's kind of what happens once you go into a state of depression." I snapped.

She snickered and remained silent. The service went on and I couldn't stop staring at Julia's beautiful face in the open casket beside the altar. Mrs. Forester said something unintelligible and I ignored it until I felt my mom nudge me on the shoulder.

"Huh?" I asked, confused.

"Now one of Julia's former friends, Elijah, will come to the stand and say some words." She repeated, and looked at me whist doing so.

I had totally forgotten that Mrs. Forester asked me to say something about Julia. I walked up to the stand, completely unprepared and hesitantly took the stand from Mrs. Forester. I had to do it off the top of my head.

"Um... friends, family, strangers, I was asked to put together some kind of words to make a meaningful speech about Julia. I couldn't think of anything to describe how much she meant to me. So I decided to explain to you all how she made me feel. When she spoke, it was as if her voice was the only sound in the world. The sound of her voice made me feel whole. When she looked at me with her stunning hazel eyes, I would sometimes get lost in her beauty. When she gave me even the slightest touch, my heart rate would speed up so fast that you'd think I was going into cardiac arrest. I loved her… so much that there are no words. I'm sure some of you have felt this way before as well. But the difference is your significant other probably knows how much you love them. Julia never knew just how much and she never will. May she rest in peace."

I waited until someone took over the stand and then walked back to the pew. While I quickly wiped the tears from under my eyes, I felt several palms patting my back and my shoulder softly. Was that supposed to be comforting? Well it surely wasn't.

Once the service ended, we all followed the priest to the cemetery where she was to be buried. I clutched onto my mom while we watched her bury six feet under. I had the urge to go in after her but my feet planted on the ground. The dirt covered her up as the tears continued to stream down my face.


End file.
